Its been a while

I havent felt much like writing lately, but tonight seems like a good night to put down some thoughts, or do some whining anyways. I am fairly depressed and need to vent.

I dont understand people and their need to make everyone feel beneath them. I am being treated like I am just a stupid girl and nothing I say, do, or think could matter. I am inherintly wrong because I am just a girl... as in the No Doubt song, that is largely how I feel right now. Having so many health issues right now is making everything worse. I am tired of being seen as a weak helpless thing with no mind and no feelings. I am tired of being treated this way and being told I am dumb for being upset about it.

Last I checked women had the same rights as men, and there really isnt anything we cant do if we try. Yes my body is broken, but I will fight to do everything anyways. I am just that stubborn. I live and work right through the pain.

My kids are perfect to me. I dont care if anyone else likes how they are being raised, or who they are because I do and thats all that really matters. DONT TELL ME HOW TO TREAT MY KIDS! Next time I will use some very x rated words on what people can do with their opinions and telling me what to do with my kids.

I am also not stupid when it comes to my livestock. I know what I am doing, how to do it, and why. Get over it. Dont like my dogs, too bad. Think I am horrible for how many cats we have, darn, thats just not my problem.

I didnt do all the work, schooling, and fight to learn for nothing. I am worth something, and I dont care if people dont agree.

SHOVE IT!

And for everyone else.... lets talk and enjoy our lives together while the rest can sit and mope.

Sad day

Dont feel like writing much. Max2 died today. My favorite ram with the massive 4 horns. I loved him a lot. I hate this water crap. You would never think something so simple yet so important could kill everything off, or that it would in these days, but I guess you never know. Our well was put in just prior to us moving here. This all sucks!

On a better note, my kids are all doing much better. Emily is feeling better, and wants to go outside for recess.... not sure if I should let her yet. I was having such a nice day with my girls, and really enjoying my kids a whole lot today, but finding Max2 was kind of a mood killer. I still had fun with them, but I have been pretty sad since then. Anyways, more another time.

Its been a while

Ok, so I know I havent been here in a while. For 2 weeks I was down by my moms/at my moms. The first week was on purpose, the second week definitly not by choice. Emily came down with pnemonia and was hospitalized for 6 days. Finally came home on Saturday and have been seriously busy ever since. Emily is still on oxygen for another week or so. The thing that has been nagging at me is how the doctors and nurses kept asking me if Emily had any problems such as asthma before the pnemonia. Then after I got home I think thanks to my mothers remider we figured out a possibility that I believe at this point to be true. Of course I have to test to be positive... but this wont leave my head and I am freaking out. We think ourwater may be dangerously high in nitrates. That would explain everything. It would explian all the deaths we have been having in our animals for one thing. Ducks, rabbits, chickens, the calf, our sheep.... It would also explain why Emily isnt holding her oxygen on her own. The doctors cant believe she is still needing the oxygen so badly, and this would explain why. If shes still not doing so well by Monday I will talk to the doctor about it agian and have her tested. A blood test can tell if that is her problem. High nitrates cause the blood to not be able to carry oxygen. I do have a rabbit down at the university of MN getting a necropsy to see if they can determine what was wrong with her, but I would bet money we now have the cause. I am getting super stressed out, I worry because there is no way I could ever get enough purified water for all my stock.... I definitly cant afford to put in a new well. Maybe there is something I can work with the finance company to get the money to put in a new well? No idea. Something has to be figured out soon. I will be trying to go and get the test kit tomorrow and send off a water sample for testing. We will see. Guess that is all I can think about right now.

Interesting..

So today I was called stupid, not in that word exactly, but close enough. Of course it pissed me off so I retaliated by telling everyone on facebook how dumb I really am. Wonder if they got the hint yet? They didnt get the origional obvious sarcasm.

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!  Ok, I do feel better now.

So some good news. Next week or the week after I hope to make a quick trip to fargo to pick up my tractor part, and my new mini donkey jenny. After that I think I want to make a trip to moms. Of course to do any of this we need sitters for kids, or for me to go get part when brandon is home so he can watch kids. It will be neat to have the new jenny too. I will still need a good jack, but a nice jenny will help out to protect the stock for now.

Brandon finally remembered to put out the selenium salt block for the sheep. It should help with that mineral specifically, plus they will get bits of mineral here and there from me too. The salt block is just so convienent!  Now, when he will remember to put the one out for the horses is another matter!

Our headstart cancelled this week. Come to find out something happened with the new teacher. No idea what, or IF she will be back, but I wasnt too happy. I have some guy I dont know coming for my child who has trouble with people at all, and especially new people. I dont know the guy at all, and this is screwing everythig up for getting the info I need from headstart for Lucies TEFRA application. Who knows how she will react to the guy at all. From the little phone conversation we had I dont care for him. Hes curt, and doesnt speak very well in that I felt like he was talking to a wall. He seemed very unorganized, and generally confused. So why should I have confidence in this new stranger? He better act far different with my kid or he wont come back.

Hannah has been staying awake at night the last 3 or more days. I am almost ready for bed, so hope that she will be too! Dr. wants Lucie on melatonin to help her sleep, just wish I could do something about Hannah now! I have more infections too...... yay. Like I needed that.

They have Brandon on a stupid schedule agian. Makes things really hard for me! And for him, and for when we try to spend time together. There is no little for time for that.

Kinda annoyed with emmys awanas group too. Having problems and I will probably have to go fix it, and if I cant get it fixed then she will not go anymore. People really do upset me. And others wonder why I hate going anywhere. I hate having to deal with problems created by other people that I always have to fix....sigh... just a little frustrated I guess.

Kids are off.......

Tonight things havent gone quite normal with the kids. Lucie fell off the couch tonight and hit her head pretty hard. Poor kid. Not too long after she fell asleep for a while. That worried me, but repeated checking showed she was fine, and later her dancing to her tv show reinforced the feeling.

During Hannahs nap we snuck out to do some work with my sheep. Each was wormed first. Then marked with chalk on their face so I knew who had been done, and then I checked udders. No one really has much yet, or anything actually. Just some slight swelling in some that shows some hormone changes and a good possibility of being bred, but no certainties. I cant wait for the end of February. It means shearing which will get rid of the nasty old stinky wool......and getting into where my girls could start lambing. By then I should know better who may or may not be bred. I am hoping for at least a 90% breeding success rate. Last year we had around 60%? Not great, but what happens when you lose a ram. I have high hopes for this lambing season........probably setting myself up for a lot of dissapointment though. Anytime I hope....

Back to kids. We came in several times and no problems while we were out. Had a good dinner.....though some issues with someone at the pizza place making an extra charge on our credit card that wasnt on our reciept that I found on my banking website. Have to check into it tomorrow. Got kids to bed ok.

Lucie was up over and over agian tonight. She just couldnt sleep or?? Its impossible to know with her since she either cant, or wont tell us. We tried several approaches to get her to sleep, and none seemed to work. After about midnight she finally fell asleep.

Hannah on the other hand....shes laying there crying right now. Shes had a bellyache since 10pm or so? Not sure what is going on, what I ate, or just a bad night for her, but shes awake every so often crying and does not want to go to sleep. It helps to hold her with her belly agianst me. She will sleep then..... so much for teaching her to sleep in her own bed!  Now to type with her in my arms......lol. I just wish I could do something for her!

I cant stand to see any kid suffering, and a baby is even worse. To have 2 of my kids having issues in one night just makes me feel horrible. Poor Emily. She gets left out of the attention a lot right now. Then agian she goes to bed and falls asleep without any problems.

Suppose I will finish up this episode of pitbulls and parolees and try heading for bed. Might have to let Hannah sleep with us agian if I want to sleep at all.

Anyone over 3 feet tall?

Feeling very alone with a severe case of cabin fever. Havent had anyone to talk to lately, at least not face to face. I have not been feeling well at all. After yesterday I am not doing so well. I didnt mention when I cleaned house I cleaned up the bathroom and scrubbed out the bathtub. I fell onto the edge of the tub across my hip and belly. We have shower doors so I fell on the big lip that holds them into place. I am bruised and sore from that. My knee is really bad today too. My whole body aches, not regular muscle aches, but the horrible constant ache that means I far overdid it and I can hardly move. Of course in this house not moving is not an option. I did what I had to today, but nothing extra.

My friend got our federal taxes filed, so unless there are any problems, the date to get our return is the 4th as long as its approved by irs by the 27th. There is an end in sight for me. I hope to get my truck fixed, the tractor fixed, and maybe convert our attatched garage into part of the house. Not sure if we can afford that. We are for sure buying a horse trailer from a friend for $1500 minus whatever we work out as what they owe for hay. State taxes cant be done in MN yet because of tax law extensions and such that havent been fixed yet. Will paper file those I think. Supposed to get $9265 from federal, and around $1800 from state? Something like that. Hope its enough to do what we want to do. Should pay someone to finish our floors too. Part of fixing the tractor may be a trip down by moms where a guy says he has the part we need. I swear I will stay with kids at LEAST a week! There is my end to the lonley crap and cabin fever. I can get out and away. I can even go for the yearly horse meeting! YAY! Might plan my trip just to go to it! Of course we have to pay our hay bill, and pick up a bit more hay too. Started with 34 round bales, and down to 7 now. I would like to save the grass hay mostly for the sheep. Do we have enough to do what we want to do....I doubt it, but hey, its nice to dream. Medical bills, and other bills I would like to pay. How do I decide what to do? Only way would probably be to skip doing the house. But darn it next year supposed to fix septic.... choices are far too many.

Ok, so anyone who would actually read this would think I have all day to sit here and I spend a ton of time doing this. I really dont. I write a few lines here and there throughout the day, and publish as I go to bed.

Darn dogs just opened the door agian. How many dogs can actually open a door knob? I have 2 that can! Someone just did a min. ago. Anytime they do I yell at them and make them go back outside.


Looking at a new shetland ram for the girls too. I would rather have paperable lambs for the kids to sell for their college funds. Neither got a lamb last year out of their other sheep, and didnt give them the shetlands until their bdays, plus bought them late in winter and they were not bred... kinda crappy. Especially considering what I paid... hard to lose a year of lambs. Totally excited to see how big the lambs will be. Emilys sheep had a lamb last year, but something happened and he died, but he was soooo tiny when he was born. The shetlands are way smaller so cant imagine how little their lambs will be! They are all scheduled to be sheared on Feb.27th. In time for them to lamb since my breeds have such thick wool and lambs would die before they would find the teats. I can hardly find them on some of them even when they are full of milk. Only the hair sheep doesnt have that problem. Thank heavens for that considering she lambed on jan. 19th last year and hadnt even thought about shearing yet! Of course she sheds like a dog anyways so wouldnt have to be sheared. Still considering finding a way to switch to painted desert sheep. They are spotted, a hair sheep, and have awesome horns. 3 qualities I love in sheep. They can even be tricolored! My someday dream. For now I am just happy expierementing with my jacobs, icelandics, and shetlands. Of course I am try to keep shetlands pure, jacobs pure, and icelands bred for good meat and color. Hoping my jacob ram might put some horns on them. Wonder if he can throw the 4 horn gene to the mix babies? Most people think hes a goat.....but I swear he is a sheep! Right now he almost looks like one with a bit of wool on him. When he got here he was just shorn. The two pics here I posted of him (max2) are of him when he first came with no wool. Wool quality isnt so important to me since I cant sell it anyways, but the shetlands thanks to the person I bought them from are well bred for their wool.

Maybe I should concentrate more on my sheep than birds.... though I want to stick with my peafowl. It would be boring in the summer without baby birds to raise. Guess my muscovy ducks too. The pigs will breed and make up some of their feed. I want to cut down to just the 1.....but Emily would never forgive me if I got rid of her pigs. I am sorry but I dont care if potbellys go for butcher. They likely will since I will not put all the time and effort into finding them homes that I did last year. At 8 weeks firm if they have not found homes they WILL go to the sales barn.

Why do I write about all of this.... guess it helps with the spring fever since I can see the end of winter coming. Planning can help to avoid lots of uncertainties later that can cost us in the long run. Like not having a set date to sell the pigs last year. Ended up paying way more in feed on some of them than what we made back. I just like to break even, maybe get a bit to pay for some of the animals feed. Its a hobby farm...... who really expects us to make anything, meaning come out ahead? Not many hobbys can even help pay for themselves, and even fewer can completley recover costs put into them. Do we really care? No....but getting some money out of everything is nice.

LAST YEARS LAMBS WHEN THEY WENT TO THE SALES BARN. LAMB ON RIGHT IS FROM BETTY, SMALL 2 WERE TWINS FROM NO.5, BLACK WAS A NICE ONE FROM DALMATION AND LAST WAS A RAM FROM FAIR MAMA. ONLY 1 LAMB WASNT SOLD AND THAT WAS BROOKS RAM LAMB. HE WAS USED FOR BREEDING, AND LATER WILL BE OUR BUTCHER LAMB.

Emily is begging me for a calf..... we really want to get one, but prices are sooo high right now. Want to find a heiffer calf for less than $200, and one that is not a twin, and a beef breed, preferably herford. Maybe Simmital? Dont really want angus. A cross is ok, purebred not necessary, but really want red and white! We Have to finish fencing the back of our property for the sheep. It will cut way back on normal pasture use. The sheep like that stuff back by the creek better than the regular pasture. Hard to do it on my own though, and Brandon has to work so often. So wondering if adding the pics makes my blog a bit better. Would love to get pics of all of it to show what I am talking about! I found some to add, hope it makes my blog a bit more interesting...

I have a few plans. After a few more blogs maybe those will become more refined! I need to be sure we have everything done on the fencing so I can work with a larger flock and have more chance to get what I want for breeding stock. Guess I have a lot to think about to know where I will go in all this! Do I sound nuts.....probably, I have so much on my mind its hard to keep any of it straight. Lambing is coming up quick. We will see what our quick breedings got for us, and go from there. Maybe I should take more time to eplain this mess since even I am a bit confused......lol!

-33 degrees and still dropping!

Ok, like my title says it is 33 below, ACTUAL TEMP! I spent 2 1/2 hours outside today because of the impending temp drop....but I suppose I should start at the beginning of the day or this could get confusing!

This morning I was physically unable to wake up and get the kids to school. Brandon got them up and off to school. Not sure why I couldnt wake up, but I couldnt. Maybe something to do with uterine infection, and the heavy doses of meds for it? Anyways, got up at 8:30 and Brandon had to practically pry me out of bed. I went out and helped him catch the horses for the farrier while the van warmed up, then I got Hannah ready and the rabbit and went to the vet office.

At the vet......I paid lots of money and learned nothing! The vet was awesome and didnt charge me for the tests she did, but I still had to pay the office charge and for the wormer I bought. We decided to reworm the rabbits with another wormer and hope that fixes them. Otherwise she said we have to wait for one to die and do a necropsy because she wouldnt be able to tell me anymore from a live rabbit. So let me get this straight... I have to hope for a rabbit to die so we can cut it up and find out what is wrong with them??? Crappy! I did get wormer for my sheep too since the wormer for both is the same. Actually both kinds of wormer I use on the sheep are used in rabbits too. The really good stuff that is a 1 time dose was $130 for just the rabbits.....I opted for the stuff that cost $20 for the rabbits AND the sheep! This wormer I have to give 5 days in a row though. Not the sheep, just the rabbits. I got to see a couple potbelly piglets while I was there, and I bought mom a kennel for her puppy to get him home in. Her friend who is bringing him home for her was worried about space, and my crates are bigger, so I got a tiny one for her.

I got home and the farrier was about to start on the donkey. Big horses were done. Guess there was some drama with them all before the farrier got here. We got Sven done, then Star, then Gimley. Somewhere in there we did Libby too. All were well behaved......mostly anyways. Farriers dont mind my horses because the little my horses do that I call acting up, they call no big deal and normal, and easy to handle. I do that on purpose. My horses will always be well behaved! I work hard for them to be!

Speaking of farrier, I later saw the work on their feet. I was a bit disappointed and when Tim our other farrier called I expressed my somewhat unsatisfaction. Tim is goingto drop by and see if he can do some finishing work or touchup whats already been done. This will help to decide if we will use Dale agian.

After hearing what the temp was to be tonight I went out and started gettig things ready to put my sheep in the barn, and maybe open part of the barn to the horses, but decided not to do that part. I got the door dug out in front and back, and dug out several gates I needed to be able to use. 

Doug came out to help after a while and we got the sheep brought up and put in. I got most of the watering done before the hose froze solid. Took no more than 20 min for it to freeze solid with it running the whole time. Put all the sheep in the barn, except for of course the dead one...... They seemed happy to get to be where it was way warmer. Though they didnt want to go in there in the first place. Was a real fun time having to get them all in.

Got the tank heaters temporarily figured out. Everyone has some sort of feed, and all but the pigs have water. The pigs wont drink it, they would rather eat snow....... weirdos! Even the cats had a bit of water today. They all seem happy and healthy.

Then of course there was Hannah to deal with. She while eating pooped her pants and it went up out of her diaper all over her. She had it eveywhere and we had to give her a bath.

Brandons w-2s came today. Got our basic tax stuff done, just have to watt for my 1098 from the house interest stuff to finsh it all up. So far our refund is 11,200 or so, with both federal and state, but lots of that is spent. We have to fix the Chevy-$2000, horse trailer $1500 minus hay and board for the horse they have here, have to pay hay bill, and buy a bit more cuz we dont have enough, pay some on propane, fix tractor, finish our flooring job, then try and make garage into part of the house. It would be the play room. If we could some sort of new heating option would be nice to figure out too! No idea for sure what it will actually be spent on.... time to feed Hannah and get some sleep!